It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
