We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
