after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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