hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
