So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
