Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
