you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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