OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
