I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
