Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
