Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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