remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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