I was born with a shot glass in my hand
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
