Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
