I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
