my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
