i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
