How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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