I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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