I hate all girls vehemently.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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