batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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