Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
