You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
