we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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