Having a random hookup so left but love u
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
