end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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