is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
