I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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