butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
