i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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