and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
