I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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