she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
