Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
