and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
