So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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