You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
