I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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