That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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