I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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