I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You had me at "let me see your balls"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
