That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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