Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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