they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just found a bag of teeth...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
