i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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