he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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