No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
