Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
