Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
