You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
